You know what I realized while I was on vacation? I realized that I really didn’t love God. In fact, I hadn’t loved God for a long time. I read the Bible, I prayed, and I went about my Christian and pastor thing, but I really never spent any time with Him. It’s like we lived in the same house and did all the same things, but we really never talked about anything. I’ve been so busy doing my Christian thing and pastor thing, that I hadn’t sat down with God face to face to listen, to talk, to laugh, to cry. I hadn’t done any of the relational things. I treated Him like a book, a thing, and not the person He is.
I have been working hard to remember that Jesus is a person, and it is that person I love. I want to know God’s heart. I want Him to know what’s in my heart.
It’s been awkward at times because I didn’t even know where to start because it had been so long since I’ve sought intimacy with Him, but it’s getting better. I’ve been talking to Him much more and seeking Him out more. And seeking intimacy with God has totally changed my prayer life. I am happy to report that my relationship with God is improving steadily. I am learning to listen to His heart.